Motivational Breach

Littering the fishbowl landscape of your place of business is something far more insidious than cube farms, bad coffee or HR Directors who haven’t been laid since the Millard Fillmore administration.

It’s the ultimate pseudo-philosophical garbage, spun as panacea: motivational accessories.

You’ve seen them on the bookshelves and desktops of many an executive – plaques, prints, calendars, and, yes, even stuffed animals (“Reach for the Stars” plush starfish, anyone?) meant to “inspire.” One Web site, where you can buy these ghastly items, has even coined a cutesy-poo name for them: “Successories.” That’s right. Hallmark stock imagery + believe-it-and-it-will-come-true bunk = executive success!

One motivational print, simply called “Achievement,” shows a small group of healthy trees sitting at the pinnacle of a barren mountaintop. The quote underneath: “Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” According to the Web site’s promotional copy, “In an act of sheer will, the trees achieve the unthinkable by thriving in this unlikely setting.”

Three problems: 1) Rocks are loaded with nutrients which readily allow trees to grow on their surface, so the act is hardly “unthinkable”; 2) Trees have no will, thus their growth has nothing to do with pluck; 3) Is there a soul on earth for whom these bromides actually work?

Imagine an insurance salesman aimlessly walking the halls of a monolithic company, lukewarm coffee in hand, halfway to his monthly quota. He approaches the “Achievement” print, recently encased in a faux mahogany frame, and is quickly mesmerized by its powerful balance of imagery and words. He’s suddenly filled with the urge to do his job with more passion and purpose than ever before. He wants to grow, dammit! And he knows that from this day forward, he will sell Medicare Supplement Insurance with the same verve that allowed a bonsai tree to take root on a sedimentary rock!

Sound realistic? I didn’t think so.

What is this cottage industry known as “motivation” anyway? Are we so infantile that we cannot glean enough motivation from the prospect of our paychecks or, better still, from the innate rewards that come with a little sweat?

But if all else fails, don't fret. The “Leap to Success” plush frog can be yours for only $5.99.