Jockocracy: Part Deux

Years ago, Howard Cosell derided a trend in television sports toward “jockocracy,” the awarding of broadcasting jobs to athletes who hadn’t earned them.

I thought about this neologism as I watched Mark Jackson, the ESPN "analyst" assigned to tonight's NBA draft, begin every sentence with the supremely unnecessary phrase, "When you talk about..."

"When you talk about the Chicago Bulls, they need a strong guard."

"When you talk about the state of the NBA, it has many reputation problems."

"When you talk about the first round, there's a lot of quality big men available."

So either he thinks that suppositions of guard needs, reputation problems and big-man availability only become fact when you talk about them, or he is ineloquent.

Occasionally, Mr. Jackson throws us a curve ball (or, in the parlance of the NBA, a verbal dime) by instead saying "When you look at..." Either way, this disregard for basic phraseology is an embarrassment to an occupation whose primary directive is communication.

But there are a few other, all-too-familiar problems with tonight's broadcast that have nothing to do with an overmatched neophyte:

* Stephen A. Smith. This lousy writer turned "personality" is ESPN's "angry" basketball pundit. Like Jackson, he does to language what a certain block of ice did to the Titanic. Unlike Jackson, who at least has a pleasant countenance, Stephen A, as he annoyingly deems himself, conjures up bullshit rage over the most innocuous subject.

* Twelve "Experts", One Desk. When did it become de rigueur to cram enough gasbags around the half-moon desk to form a minion? This has the dual effect of 1) giving each commentator no time to actually say anything; 2) reducing what they do say to a mere...

* Cliché-fest. Jeff Van Gundy, praising a coach, said, "His real value is stressing the right way to play basketball." As opposed to the 29 other coaches who stress the wrong way? Doris Burke, working the crowd, asked mothers of drafted players such probing questions as "Are you proud?" and "How do you feel?" I would have paid a king's ransom to hear just one mom reply, "After the hell he put me through, I feel relieved that his first pro check will pay for my new house."